As a PhD, I am trained to look for answers. My mind is used to asking deep questions, thinking in an organised way, and searching hard for the truth. When my life started to fall apart, I used that same careful approach to deal with my pain. I didn't just feel my depression; I studied it. I didn't just go through the ruins; I tried to figure out how it worked.
I treated my life like a complicated research project. I collected information from hundreds of hypnotherapy sessions in Sydney, Surabaya, and Jakarta (2007-2018). I spoke with experts and Kyais across East Java. I read thousands of books and references for learning what's wrong in my life. I was sure that if I just found the right cause—the right mental trigger or the right religious practice—I could fix my unhappiness. But my logical way of thinking eventually ran into a problem it couldn't solve.
For years, my logical mind was stuck on one mistake: 2001. Specifically, I was married in September 2021 because my mother wanted me to. I went into that marriage as a good daughter, trusting her judgment and her choice of a man from a Pondok Pesantren. I thought that by doing what she wanted, I would have a happy and successful future, just like she and my father had.
But everything changed very quickly. Just two weeks after my wedding, my mother died. It shocked me and I lost my greatest anchor. At the time, I didn't realise that she had handed me a key to a door she would never see me walk through. She died believing she had placed me in safe hands. Since she died in 2021, she never knew that the safe path would lead me to billions of rupiah in debt, a decade of betrayal, and a deep, soul-crushing depression.
As a PhD, my mind quickly started analysing everything. I spent years trying to understand those two weeks in 2021. I asked every Kyai from Jombang to Surabaya: Why did God take her right after she made this choice for me? Was I being punished? Was her death a sign that I should have chosen differently? It was like I looked at the facts. Their choice felt like a heavy burden I had to carry by myself. Because she was gone, I couldn't ask her why. I couldn't show her what the man she chose was really like. I was left with a problem that felt impossible to solve.
For two decades, I kept thinking about the choice my parents made. I looked at the facts: they were good and peaceful people. They considered a man, but he led to 20 years of debt, cheating with many prostitutes, and losing my home and income. To my logical mind, it didn't make sense. How could good intentions from my parents lead to so much pain for me? I decided they had just made a huge mistake, and I was the one suffering because of it.
On May 2020, I watched a video for the first time, but I need many times to catch its message. It's title "Beda Kelompok, Beda Karma". In my understanding, the concept Group Karma occurs when individuals are brought together in a specific collective—such as a family, workplace, or organization—because they share similar past karmic seeds [04:51]. When this group karma ripens or matures, the entire group experiences its effects together, whether positive or negative [05:12]. A clear sign of group karma at work is when a series of unfortunate events happens to multiple people in the same group simultaneously [05:55]. For example, the questioner describes a year where he, his wife, his sibling, and his child all had to undergo surgery or were hospitalized in quick succession [02:42].
The video also explains that there must be an impact of connections (a marriage). When two people marry, their individual karmas merge into a new group karma. This explains why some people become more prosperous after marriage, while others may face financial decline if their partner carries poor prosperity karma [07:42]. Then, a child born into a family brings their own individual karma, which can immediately affect the parents' circumstances, either boosting their wealth or causing business failures [08:51]. Bunda Arsaningsih emphasizes being careful about the groups we choose to associate with [06:48]. Parents have a duty to teach their children about the Law of Karma from a young age [10:30]. By teaching children to think and act rightly, parents help them form better karma, which ultimately improves the collective karma of the entire family group [09:34]. When a group is facing a low energy period (suffering), members must support and strengthen each other [07:20]. Teaching forgiveness and ensuring one does not create new negative karma are essential steps to improving future good outcomes [10:45].
From a perspective of the Group Karma, I saw the truth. My mother’s death just two weeks after my marriage wasn't a coincidence or a tragedy of timing. It felt like she was handing me a job. She had done her part in our shared life story. She gave me the door (the marriage) that I needed to go through to settle old debts. Once that door was open, her work in this life was done. She didn't leave me with a mistake, but with a promise that only I had the mind and spirit to finish.
Recently, I had stopped trying to prove that my life was unfair. My drive to find the answer finally showed me that the answer wasn't more facts. It was awareness. As I look through my thousands of records, I no longer see September 2021 as the month my life fell apart. I see it as the month my biggest challenge started.
My PhD mind finally found the answer I was looking for. My mother didn't give me a wrong choice. She gave me the exact challenge my soul needed to grow. In 2026, I am no longer the victim of those two weeks in September. I am the researcher who finally understood what happened. I am the daughter who turned a mother's choice into a win for my soul since learned about Group Karma from Bunda Arsaningsih and my search finally made sense.
In school, we study systems. Group Karma is the biggest system. I saw that my parents, the man, and I weren't just people making "right" or "wrong" choices alone. We were a group of souls settling an old debt. My parents gave me the exact path I needed to take to settle my soul’s debt.
As a PhD, I finally saw that I wasn't looking into a mistake; I was watching a process. The billions of rupiah I paid and the years of betrayal weren't mistakes—they were the way things were balancing out. I realised that my parents—who I had blamed for their wrong choice for a long time—were actually my partners in this spiritual growth. They passed away in 2001 and 2014, but they left me with the "work" I needed to finish.
I study my life to honour all of my bad histories. The PhD in me finally found the biggest truth: I need to solve a spiritual debt with different kind of logic. Once you get it, it's so logic! I also move from blaming them for a mistake to thanking them for the door to the LIGHT. I cannot heal myself with only logic, I can heal it with my heart. After 50 years of tracing the footprints of the past, I am finally letting go. Finding my truth, forgiving my soul, realizing that everything has been perfectly mapped by the Universe, and sharing my stories for good deeds.
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