THE FEELING OF NOT BEING LOVED

 

This video, titled The Feeling of Not Being Loved, is a guided meditation and spiritual teaching session by Bunda Arsaningsih. It focuses on identifying and healing the subconscious belief that one is unloved. Bunda Arsaningsih explains that our bodies react to the commands of our minds. If we constantly tell ourselves we are tired or sick, the body responds by becoming weak [03:42].

Many of us make perceptual errors. If we hold the recurring thought not loved, we create an energetic pattern that manifests that reality [17:44]. We suffer because we repeat the thought that we are unloved, even when others around us are actually showing love and care [18:08]. This perception creates a mental block that prevents us from seeing or receiving the love that is already present [01:13:58]. There is the law of attraction. Bunda Arsaningsih emphasizes the law of like attracts like. By radiating the vibration of I am unloved, I unintentionally attract more people and situations that make me feel unloved, disappointed, and angry.

Trauma addresses defense mechanisms. Past traumas (like being hurt by a parent or partner) often lead us to build a wall, thinking I don't need anyone; I can do it alone [31:57]. While this feels like a strength, it actually blocks the flow of love and leads to deep loneliness [32:05].  Therefore, there are paths to healing with Soul Reflection Meditation:

• The first step is to honestly acknowledge the thought: "Oh, I have been thinking that I am not loved" [01:02:43]. It’s an awareness and confession.

• The second is to retract negative radiation. We must consciously pull back the negative thoughts you have radiated into the universe. In the meditation, Bunda guides viewers to ask for God’s power to delete these old mental maps [01:03:10]

• The third is to redefine my need. Instead of keeping up appearances, admit that we do need love and that we are worthy of it [31:27, 01:07:25].

• Then, we need to think of becoming a Channel of Love. To truly attract love, we must become a magnet for it by radiating love to others first. Bunda explains that most people who cause problems are simply those who lack love for themselves. The meditation session concludes with a deep prayer to become a "Channel of Divine Love," asking God to use us to spread love to all beings on Earth who are suffering from emotional voids [01:19:41].

MY REFLECTION

It feels like the video was recorded specifically for the heavy heart I have been carrying. In profound exhaustion, my history of feeling alone in my marriage, Bunda Arsaningsih provides a spiritual mirror for my journey. It bridges the gap between my 25 years of silence and the explosion I experienced so far. In my own case, I felt unloved for 3 decades. The first was caused by my mom, who forced me to marry a man in 2001. The second was by my ex-boyfriend, who did not fight for me from 1996-1997. Last is the man I married, who betrayed me.

I have spent 25 years telling myself to be patient with a man who betrayed me, which created a mental map of being betrayed rather than a loved woman. ​I gave my soul and body to someone menjijikkan (disgusting) as he had sex with numerous prostitutes. I was  accidentally staying on that same low frequency by calling the man biadab. Instead of cursing him, try to see him as a spiritual beggar. In the video, Bunda explains that sincerity or patience is a spiritual strength.

As the man squandered my  assets and offered no support, I became a super-woman (a PhD, a lecturer, a provider for his children, and the whole family). My soul was exhausted from being the ATM and the only strong one. I intended to divorce. I took pride in not needing him. Bunda warns that this too independent attitude actually blocks love from coming in. People who are hurt often build a wall: "I don't need anyone; I can do it myself".

She also explains that our minds are often experts at thinking the worst. Hers was right for me. In the video, she discusses the exact sickness, the deep-seated feeling of not being loved. In my case, it is like my logic of lack versus the magnet of love. I repeatedly think, I am not loved or I am alone. Thus, I unintentionally create an energetic pattern that attracts more of that loneliness. My 25 years of feeling alone have become a vicious cycle in which my mind expects isolation, making it harder to perceive the love that is present (like the love from the divine, a man I married, my children, or others).

Bunda Arsaningsih notes that we often block love because we have a mental map of what love should look like. What my boyfriend once said in 1996, "You might not be happy with me," triggered a feeling of rejection. It was a mirror of resistance.  By focusing on the one person who was not there for me (my ex-boyfriend), I used to block the universal love trying to reach me through other channels. The realities came: the one person who isn't giving true love, the man betrayed me.

Bunda teaches that if we radiate the feeling that we are not loved, we attract unloving people. I used to think that no one respected me. In the video, the most dangerous enemy is our own repetitive thought that we are not loved [21:58]. I am still learning how to receive a love that matches my worth. Today’s breakdown was my soul finally admitting: "I actually do need to be loved and cared for." I used to think being unloved that I block love even when it’s there. I only realized in 2022 that my ex-boyfriend loved me indeed. With his past bad condition, he let me go for my mother’s sake.  After watching the video, I need to retract my belief that I am not loved.  I must replace saying to myself, "I am a victim who was never loved," with "I am a woman of the Light who is deeply loved by God and my children."

Addressing Bunda Arsaningsih, the first step is to stop the audit of the lack. Instead of analyzing why I am not loved, I must boldly affirm, "I need to be loved, and I am worthy of being loved" [29:20].  Secondly, I need to confess my own needs. It is okay to say, "Oh God, I am a strong mother, but I am tired. I want to feel loved." Admitting this breaks the strong woman mask that has become a cage. Thirdly,  I need to keep my spiritual connection to God. Bunda  emphasizes that when human shoulders fail us, we must connect directly to the Divine Power to recharge our energy batteries [02:40]. She also leads a meditation to "delete" the thought of being unloved [07:44] and encourages saying: "I am healthy, I am peaceful" [01:55]. ​

To attract the sweet and loving people I deserve in the coming days, I must stop feeding the fire of the old, unloved version of myself. This also includes the shifts from a place of anger (low frequency) to a place of pity (higher frequency). Bunda Arsaningsih also helped me affirm that I am loved by many, and that those who love me are coming to me [01:07:42]. So my soul returns to His purest form of Love.

Now I need to rewrite my life goal, i.e. to stop being a pillar that just holds weight and start being a Channel of Love. When I pray for other people’s happiness and their family, I am filling my own heart with love so that I no longer feel like a victim of my history [48:25].