CONTROLLING THOUGHT

For twenty years, I lived a life that many admired from the outside: a successful career, an advanced education, and a family I cherished. But behind those closed doors, I was living in a silent storm, playing the role of a servant and a source of financial support while my own spirit slowly withered. It wasn't until I encountered the teachings of Bunda Arsaningsih and the practice of Soul Reflection that the walls of my silence finally broke.

I first watched this video in 2020, revisited it during the rawest days of my healing in June 2023. I am now in 2026, discovering even deeper layers of insight. I am evolving the levels of truth. This is the most common and clear way to explain that what I understand to be true changes as I grow. This is the story of how I learned to stop holding onto family shame and started holding onto the God's light and love. Through Olah Rasa and the power of God’s energy, I’ve moved from being an ATM for others to being a steward of my own soul.

This video is titled "Karma, Reincarnation & Thought Control," explores how one’s internal mental states shape his or her reality and karmic outcomes. Thought is the Origin of Karma. She emphasizes that karma doesn't just begin with physical actions or words, but with thoughts and intentions [15:40]. Even thinking about a negative action can create a karmic debt because energy follows thought [16:50]. Every thought one has, radiates energy into the universe [21:04]. This radiation acts like a magnet, drawing in similar experiences based on the law of attraction [17:46]. While one’s conscious mind represents about 10% of our mental power, the subconscious mind holds the other 90% [37:44]. Positive affirmations often  fail because they are piled on top of deep-seated, unresolved negative subconscious patterns [38:16].

To truly change, one must engage in olah rasa, the practice of refining and managing inner emotions to find peace [14:30]. Solving life's problems requires a calm mind. In states of panic or tension, it is impossible to see solutions or find the way out [14:41]. Regular practice, such as the Soul Reflection meditation held on Wednesdays, is presented as a way to clean the house of God within oneself. The first step to 'Soul Reflection' is putting down one's pride. Only an open heart can be cleansed; a proud heart is already too 'full' of itself to receive God's energy. The goal of this spiritual growth is to become a true channel of God's blessings for others, which can only happen once the internal or inner void is filled with divine love rather than ego [01:26:49].

In the podcast episode featuring Kiavano who shares a profound transformation regarding how he understands the human mind and the mechanics of Karma. His experience serves as a cautionary tale about the limitations of intellectual knowledge versus spiritual power. Before meeting Bunda Arsaningsih, Kiavano was a "walking library." He spent 10 years consuming vast amounts of information, attending seminars, studying everything from psychology to hypnotherapy, and various self-development techniques.

However, he found that the more he read, the more he encountered contradictions. One book would tell him to think positive, while another suggested silence to his mind. Despite knowing what was right, he felt an inner void. He describes a frustrating experience where his critical mind knew the "good" path, but an uncontrollable internal force would pull him in a different direction (the inherent negative patterns). For years, Kiavano elaborates on why his early efforts at self-improvement failed using the framework of the mind:

• The 10% (Conscious) is the part of his mind by reading books and making resolutions to be good or patient.

• The 90% (Subconscious/Inherent) is where our deep-seated karmic records and habits live.

• The Conflict addressed Kiavano's recent level of truth. If the 90% is filled with negative records (from this life or past lives), the 10% positive thinking will always lose. He describes this as trying to pile fresh soil on top of a mountain of trash, the smell (the negative energy) still leaks through.

A pivotal shift for Kiavano was understanding that Karma is radiation. Most people think Karma is only created when we do something. Indeed, the moment a thought is formed, it radiates into the universe. His most significant breakthrough was realizing that human willpower is insufficient to delete deep karmic records. While techniques like hypnotherapy helped him identify problems, he couldn't sustain the Theta or Delta states (deep frequencies of the mind) long enough to effect permanent change. He found that by involving God’s Power during Soul reflection meditation, he could access the deepest levels of his consciousness. Instead of just covering up his anger with forced patience, he was able to delete the underlying frequency of anger. He mentions that now, when a stimulus occurs that used to make him explode, he actually has the space to choose a different response.

Kiavano's experience has been deeply relatable with my own journey of moving from intellectual frustration to spiritual clarity. His experience highlights the difference between knowing the truth and living it. Like Kiavano, I spent years thinking that if I filled my mind with knowledge and my life with good deeds, happiness would follow. I was the perfect daughter, the patient' wife, and the generous' provider. But I was building a house on a foundation of suppressed trauma.

Moving on from trauma requires shifting one's perception and energy rather than trying to simply delete the memory Understanding karma helps one realize that current hardships are often results of seeds planted in past lives. Bunda discusses how human power alone is often insufficient to delete deep karmic records. They advocate for invoking God's power or divine energy (harnessing God's light and love) to clear these deep-seated burdens.

I remembered Bunda Arsaningsih's teaching in other podcasts that marriage is a spiritual process intended to blend two different characters and teach tolerance and compassion. Conflicts in marriage often arise when partners are spiritually out of sync or guided by selfish intentions like self ego.

As the video, thoughts are triggered by our senses as what we see and hear. These triggers activate our internal records, which then radiate outward. Now I understand: if my internal radiation is angry or distrustful (even if I am sitting quietly at home), the universe returns energy of the same frequency to me. This explained why I still faced bad luck despite trying to act like a good person. I was trapped between surface goodness versus internal radiation:

• I was obedient, patient, and generous (giving up your assets and marrying to please your mother). Inside, there was likely deep depression, suppressed wounds, and the pain of being a "servant" and an ATM.
• The universe doesn't just respond to what we do; it responds to what we radiate. If my heart was radiating pain, sacrifice-based resentment, or the vibration of being used, the law of attraction continued to bring me situations that mirrored those heavy feelings.
• For almost 3 decades, I have often focused on the 10% (my conscious actions) while the 90% (the subconscious and energy) is what actually communicates with the universe. During Kiavano's journey, I realized that simply knowing or doing isn't enough if I am not managing my energy.
• I acted out of a sense of duty (Swadarma), as a noble. If a marriage shackles the soul, it stops being a spiritual union and becomes a karmic burden. By sacrificing my assets and happiness to a point of depletion,I may have unintentionally fed a negative karmic cycle. I was doing good for others, but I was  not being good to the soul God placed within me.
• My messy life wasn't a punishment for being good; it was the boiling over of a 20-year karmic cycle that needed to be broken. The mess was actually the universe's way of forcing me to look at the 90%—the part of me that finally said, "I cannot hold this wound anymore" in 2023.
• My life felt messy because I was trying to solve a spiritual problem (an abusive/exploitative dynamic) with physical solutions (money, patience, and silence). Spiritual problems require God’s power. This is why my breakthrough only came after I engaged in Soul Reflection meditation and Olah Rasa.

My life fell apart not because I was bad, but because my soul was screaming for truth. I was doing the 10% (the actions) perfectly, but my 90% (my energy and subconscious) was drowning. I finally realized that I cannot buy my way out of karma with money or silence. I have to heal it with God's Light, Love and Energy. I finally understand why my 20-year cycle kept repeating. I was trying to fix the outside while the inside was still carrying a mountain of silent wounds. Bunda Arsaningsih reminds me that if the pattern repeats, the cleaning isn't done. 2023 was the year I started the deep cleaning; 2026 is the year I finally see the house is becoming bright.

PROBLEM TO SOLUTION

I often found myself caught in a routine. I felt like a tangled ball of thread: a cycle of working, raising 4 children, and managing stress without ever finding a moment to breathe. I used to think my bad life was a tangled mess. I did not know now where it begins or ends. It’s just complicated. I didn’t know how to unravel the problem. I felt confused, blank, and lost on what to do.

Today, I want to share how shifting our internal radiation from problem-focused to solution-focused can help us navigate a world that feels increasingly uncertain. I gained this understanding after rewatching this podcast countless times. Every single time, I find a new layer of meaning that deeply touches my soul. It's titled "The World is Not Okay, What is it a Sign Of?" from the Bunda Arsaningsih YouTube channel.

I keep coming back to this podcast. Every time I watch, I get a different takeaway that just hits home. From psychological insights to education and even spirituality, there is always some profound meaning to be found in this podcast. What I make note today from Bunda Arsaningsih: if someone feels their life is full of problems, the key is to stop radiating or constantly thinking about those problems. By shifting one's personal radiation to focus on solutions, the universe will bring about ways out through various means. If things are messy, be still for a moment and say: I am pulling back from this mess.

Oh my God, finally I know my mistake. A thousand times I said that I had so many problems. But I didn't know what to do.  The chaos of 24 years was a startling wake-up call. But what if the chaos isn't the end? What if it is simply the friction required to spark a higher spiritual consciousness?

So far, I just focused only on the problem. Unconsciously, what I thought invited more problems until no solution can be found. I often get caught up in the mess of the problem instead of seeking a way out.  Without realizing self-awareness, through the rotation of time and consciousness, conditions arise that force humans to start looking within. How do we get rid of stress, tension, and anxiety? It's more about the mental state and the heart. In that state of confusion, I must start by setting an intention to begin focusing on solutions.

Pull back and realize: "Oh right, I have many problems. Up until now, I have only focused on the problems. Days by days, withdrawing my thoughts from being focused on the problem" and committing to changing that focus toward a solution. Every time a problem arises, stop! I want to find a solution. Every time another problem comes along, stop! I am looking for a solution. By intending to find a solution, I will shift your energy pattern. Once the radiation of that solution strengthens, people will be brought into my life to help provide answers. The universe will map out a path filled with solutions.

My notes notes from Bunda Arsaningsih in the podcast:

• Through energy, if human consciousness grows, we can prevent total destruction.
• If there is an effort to reduce the impact, the outcome changes. That is why I say: Focus on the Solution.
• Don't reinforce what looks bad. How do we overcome this? With the Soulmeter, we see that if no change is made, bad things happen. But we can change the trajectory.
• Let's focus on radiating solutions. Once the radiation of the solution is strong, it will pull the solution toward you. 
• Don't worry about the 'how.' The solution will just come. Suddenly, someone might make a random suggestion, or you might see something specific on social media.
• You’ll think, 'Oh, this is the solution!' You might open the Soul Reflection book, the Bible, or the Quran, and the answer is right there.
• Solutions can come from anywhere. But we are the ones who must first set the intention to radiate that solution. Only then will the universe provide many answers.
• That’s why when I see people who are constantly hit by one problem after another—like the saying 'misfortune never comes alone. They keep dwelling on the problems, so they keep falling. There is no solution for them.
• Why do they close themselves off from the solution? Because their focus is solely on problem, problem, problem. Sometimes I tell them: 'Stop! Stop talking about the problem; let’s move to the solution.
• But they can be stubborn. They say, 'I'm not thinking about it! I want a solution too!' Yet, every second, their mind is in trouble. Energy cannot be lied to.
• Radiation can be measured, perhaps for kilometers. So, if you want to change your life, change your radiation so that you can receive the solution.
• God will not change your condition unless there is an effort from within the person themselves. That principle is already within us.
• It doesn't just happen. It’s not like God says, 'Hey, here is a solution from me'—everyone would run away in fear! There must be an effort from within us to change ourselves. I need a solution.
• And it all comes back to being conscious again/ Yes, with consciousness. That comes first.
• Once the solutions arrive, then we consider the pros and cons wisely. If you use the Soulmeter, you just measure it: 'Person A came with this solution, Person B came with that one. Which is best for me? How many points for A? How many for B?
• That’s how we decide. But if you don't have that, you'll just be confused for a while, asking around, 'Is this good? Is that good?' With the Soulmeter, it becomes our guide. We see which one is better, we take it, and it turns out to be right.

Through the lens of the Soulmeter, I’ve seen how these invisible energies shape our visible results.

GLOBAL PEACE

 

When we hear about conflict and war in other parts of the world, it’s easy to feel powerless. The anxiety and fear can reach us, affecting our health and sense of safety. The effects of the pandemic still linger, and new conflicts can appear without warning, spreading anxiety and fear everywhere. Still, we are all connected, and our shared consciousness can influence the world. If negativity can spread, so can hope. 

The podcast from the Bunda Arsaningsih YouTube channel discusses the current global situation filled with uncertainty, specifically regarding the impacts of war and how we should respond from an energy and spiritual perspective. In this reflection, I want to look at how our shared energy might help calm the chaos in the world. By practising spiritual service and choosing to radiate peace, each of us can help reduce the desire for war and support global well-being.

Becoming a Channel for Peace

Seeing cities destroyed and families hurt spreads a sense of fear that affects everyone. Many of us, even far from the conflict, can feel uneasy because of this shared energy. Even if we are far from a conflict zone, the energy, such as anxiety, fear, and insecurity that are radiated by conflict affects everyone on Earth. This video by Bunda Arsaningsih argues that fostering collective consciousness and spiritual service, especially during global conflict, can meaningfully reduce the urge for war.  Bunda emphasises that instability in one place impacts the prosperity and peace of us all.

It's easy to think that war is far away and doesn't affect me. But in reality, when one part of the world suffers, it eventually impacts everyone’s well-being.We may not be able to physically intervene in a conflict, but we have a role to play. By involving the power of Divine energy and radiating love and peace, we can help dampen the desire for war in the hearts of others. As a community, if we harmonise our intentions, we can create a force strong enough to quiet the noise of revenge and replace it with a desire for peace.

Deepening the Wisdom

Bunda Arsaningsih reminds us that if our lives become too repetitive, we can lose touch with ourselves and the present moment. Taking regular breaks, even just going for a walk, is important for refreshing our energy and keeping our spirits alive (13:49). We all remember pandemic situation and how quickly things changed. One day, life was routine, and the next, we had to slow down in ways we never expected. This sudden change was tough, especially for parents and students dealing with online learning at home. Still, through these challenges, many of us experienced a deeper spiritual awareness. We learned that taking time for ourselves is not just a luxury but a real need for our mental health. When the world outside feels uncertain, sometimes the best thing we can do is turn inward.

The Pandemic has influenced our family dynamics and mental health. The move to online learning and working from home during the pandemic put a lot of pressure on families. With less space and more time together, parents and children often felt stressed, and many people lost enthusiasm for daily life. Despite the challenges, Bunda Arsaningsih notes that these global changes have helped many people grow. They have encouraged us to seek deeper meaning and inner peace, moving beyond mere physical needs. There will be a shift toward higher spiritual consciousness

Global conflict addresses a disruptor of collective peace. As people started to find balance after the pandemic, new wars brought back a sense of panic. This shows that a crisis in one place can affect people all over the world.iation" of Anxiety, Fear, and Panic Bunda explains that negative emotions like fear and panic do not remain confined to a war zone; instead, they emit a form of spiritual "radiation" that spreads across the entire planet, creating a heavy atmosphere that burdens the collective psyche of humanity.

When facing uncertain global changes (such as rising prices or fuel restrictions), mental readiness is far more important than just material preparation. Maintaining alignment between the mind, body, and soul is essential to avoiding stress.

Sensitive souls give impact of energy contamination. People who are emotionally or spiritually sensitive may feel uneasy these days. This discomfort often comes not from their own problems, but from taking in the fear and worry that is present in the world. Bunda points out that we can't ignore wars just because they seem far away. The problems caused by conflict, both in energy and the economy, eventually affect our own lives and communities.  The interconnectedness of global conflict and personal prosperity.

When enough people come together with the same intention and call on Divine power, they can help reduce others' urge for war. This united effort acts like a spiritual shield, calming conflict through shared love. So, the collective power will decrease their desire for war.When we focus our prayers and meditations on negative feelings, we can help shift the Earth's energy. This can turn the urge for revenge into a real desire for peace and harmony.

Making Yourself Worthy 

Bunda says that peace and success don't come from chasing after them. Instead, they appear naturally when we do good things and work on ourselves. In her Soul Reflection book, the law of worthiness refers to planting and reaping the future. Looking at ancient prophecies like Kali Yuga, Bunda explains that today’s chaos is like growing pains. This difficult time is needed to clear away old ways and make space for a new, more spiritual Golden Age.

History shows that the world often goes through chaos before entering a better, more peaceful time known as the Golden Age. Many sacred texts describe this change, but it needs our help. We can't just chase after peace; we need to prepare ourselves to receive it by making good choices now. As we go forward, let's try to be people who spread calm. Let's pray that God touches the hearts of those in conflict and helps them find peaceful solutions. When we find peace within ourselves, we start to create a path to peace in the world.

 
The ultimate solution is praying for God to open the hearts of global leaders. The session ends with a strong call to action. We are asked to pray that Divine energy touches the hearts of leaders, helping them find peaceful solutions that we might not think of on our own. The podcast also links this atmosphere to spiritual moments in Indonesia, like Nyepi (Day of Silence) and Eid al-Fitr, which it views as the perfect times for self-reflection, seeking forgiveness, and radiating positive energy to the world.

We may not be able to stop missiles ourselves, but each of us can send out energy that lessens the urge for conflict. By choosing to share love and peace in our daily lives, we help break down negativity worldwide. As we celebrate our holy days and imagine a better future, let’s focus on opening our hearts to peace through shared consciousness and spiritual service. In this way, peace within us can truly lead to peace on Earth.

Overall, the video's message invites us to remain resilient, avoid overthinking, and play an active role in maintaining Earth's energy through meditation and radiating love and compassion.

RECURRING PROBLEMS

 

For a long time, I found myself trapped in a cycle that felt impossible to break. Whether it was professional hurdles or deep personal betrayals, the same problems seemed to wear different masks but deliver the same pain. I spent years fueled by a rage that I felt was justified, only to realize that my anger wasn't a shield; it was a magnet. Today, I want to share a profound realization I had while reflecting on the concept of  soul records and energy radiation. It took me nearly five years to move from a place of constant complaint to a place of  letting it be, and in that shift, I discovered why we sometimes fail to graduate from our own emotional trials

I used to complain to God and others about my bad life. I thought my bad problems were due only to other mistakes, not to me. From 2001 to 2019, I often had recurring problems in my life: being cheated, losing money due to the man and his family, and not being loved. Although I always tried my best to be faithful and loyal to them, as my name “Setyorini” was given by my parents. Recently,  I have been learning many important points from the podcast video The Mystery of Recurring Problems featuring Bunda Arsaningsih and Dr Rastho Mahotama.

Why do problems keep recurring?

Problems happen because of the level of consciousness, the law of sowing and reaping (karma), and the soul records. Similar problems will keep happening if a person remains at the same level of consciousness. Increasing awareness is necessary to break the cycle [24:55]. Conditions are objective events that happen. The examples of conditions are rain, spicy food,  losing money, or being cheated [13:56]. Problems arise based on how an individual perceives and reacts to those conditions [15:08]. Whether something is a problem depends heavily on one's point of view. Mental resilience varies. What one person considers a trivial matter might be a heavy burden for someone else [09:22]. Everything that happens results from past thoughts and actions (including past lives). The energy radiated by thoughts attracts similar events [32:54]. Every human carries energy patterns from birth. If a person has a negative energy record, such as having been deceitful, the universe will attract similar people who will try to deceive them. This is a form of repayment for the karma [34:17].

Moreover, Bunda gave insights for common questions: "Bunda, why do I get cheated by people so often? And it keeps repeating for me. In such-and-such a year, I lost this much; then the next time, I lost that much again. Oh, I just keep getting cheated over and over." Theirs are called repetition or recurring problem that needs to look deeper:

If we want to find the source of the problem, there is certainly a connection to our past lives, which map out our soul records that radiate energetically. To radiate means to emit energy that becomes a pattern of our character (32:56)

Now, when we experience something in this life, for example, being cheated by someone, we will eventually wonder, "Why am I being cheated?" If a person understands the law of sowing and reaping (karma), it means there is an issue related to deceiving others in a past life (33:17).

The energy is still radiating because they once deceived someone; the radiation of deceiving is still being emitted. Ultimately, this law of nature will attract people to cheat them, because their radiation was originally that of a deceiver. They will attract a likeness of people who deceive to come toward them, and eventually, they get cheated (33:37).

As long as this energy pattern is not yet finished, not yet realized, and not yet understood, then the same events will keep coming back. So, recurring patterns happen when someone hasn't "finished" with that specific issue. Not finished means they haven't energetically cleansed the radiation they possess (34:05). Once the radiation which is their homework is cleansed and that radiation no longer exists.

How can I break my recurring cycle?

The first step is to identify my self-knowledge, how the energy radiation within oneself. Without knowing myself, I won't know what needs to be changed [01:07:11]. The second step is through energy cleansing. Engaging in a process of repentance, seeking inner forgiveness, and forgiving oneself or others helps to withdraw the negative radiation previously emitted [38:52]. The third step relates to effort versus time. Time alone is not enough to heal wounds or fix problems. It requires targeted effort and the awareness to shift negative thought patterns into positive ones [49:05]. The next step focuses on solutions. Stop asking "why is this happening" repeatedly and start focusing on how to fix it spiritually and mentally [08:04]. In brief, the world will not change as long as my energy remains the same. Change my energy, and my life will change. It is important to plant goodness in the specific area where I am  facing trouble (e.g., if I have prosperity issues, focus on planting goodness in the realm of prosperity).

 As the podcast mentioned, offering an internal apology and promising myself not to repeat the pattern of anger is a way to tidy up. If debt appears again out of nowhere, try not to see it as a punishment. Instead, see it as the remnants of an energy debt that must be settled so I can be truly clear. I have already begun to gain awareness in 2025. I think that MY AWARENESS is truly MY ASSET. I know that changing a soul record takes effort and time. By admitting that I want to learn, I have already begun the journey toward that next level. I continue to be patient with my own process.

Recognizing that my recurring problems are often energy homework rather than random punishments is a difficult pill to swallow. It requires me to stop looking outward for someone to blame and start looking inward at what I am radiating. I’ve learned that until I cleanse the patterns of my past (my anger, grudges, and reactions) so the universe will keep sending me the same problems or lessons. To anyone feeling stuck in their cobaan (trials), remember: your soul is simply asking you to grow. Be patient with your process, for the moment you change your energy, you change your life

If the energy doesn’t change, life stays the same. Change the internal energy pattern, and the external life will follow.

SOUL CURRICULUM

 

In my 24 years as a lecturer, I have seen thousands of students sit for exams. In the classroom, if a student doesn't master the material, they simply don't move to the next grade. Recently, I had to face a humbling truth: in the school of life, I was the student who was failing to graduate. I was stuck in a repetitive loop of debt, betrayal, and intense anger, wondering why the tests kept getting harder. Through the lens of energy and the 'Soul Meter' framework, I began to analyse my own life not as a series of unfortunate events, but as a curriculum I hadn't yet mastered. I am learning many important points from the podcast video "The Mystery of Recurring Problems" featuring Bunda Arsaningsih and dr. Rastho Mahotama. If the energy doesn’t change, life stays the same. Change the internal energy pattern, and the external life will follow

Energy follows thought

Human beings are gifted with intellect and free will. Whatever we think or desire creates radiation because energy follows the direction of our thoughts. When a thought is repeated often, its radiation becomes stronger. This radiation eventually shows up as our character and the energetic patterns of our lives. Life processes are not strictly determined by God in a fatalistic sense; rather, humans determine their own life path through the choices they make in their thoughts and actions. Free will can be guided by intellect (wisdom) or left wild and impulsive. Wisdom means filtering thoughts, choosing which are worth action and which are not, to keep our radiation calm. Every person is born with a pre-existing "soul record" or pattern. This record holds the results of all past thoughts and actions. Many people refer to this as Destiny, Karma, or even Original Sin. These patterns are essentially ripe fruit from past lives. Even if we don't look back, these records still radiate from within us. They attract specific real-world events.

From Tests to Lessons

​When I feel issues like losing money or being cheated keep recurring, it is a signal from the universe that an unresolved energy pattern is at play. As long as my response remains the same (anger, giving in to impulses), the energy radiation stays the same, which attracts similar events again. Explosive anger that leads to physical actions is a very powerful discharge of energy. According to the principles discussed by Bunda Arsaningsih, anger actually strengthens the negative soul record. By admitting that the anger was wrong, I am actually starting to cut the wires of that negative radiation. Realising that I have control over my thoughts and emotions is key. Increased stress often arises because I feel like a victim of circumstances. Once I start taking responsibility—not to blame myself, but to improve myself—the burden of stress usually begins to lift.

 As the podcast mentioned, offering an internal apology and promising myself not to repeat the pattern of anger is a way to tidy up. If debt appears again out of nowhere, try not to see it as a punishment. Instead, see it as the remnants of an energy debt that must be settled so I can be truly clear. I have already begun to gain awareness in 2025. That is a massive asset. Changing a soul record takes effort and time. By admitting that I want to learn, I have already begun the journey toward that next level. I continue to be patient with my own process. Recognising my mistakes is a sign that my soul is growing.

My Reflection

Since 2020, It took me about 4 to 5 years to shift my mindset, moving from constantly complaining about my problems to finally reaching a point of acceptance. Whenever I complained, more problems seemed to arise. When I kept revisiting the painful experiences of his betrayal, my heart hurt more, and new issues with him continued to surface. My anger grew, and it felt like the cycle of problems would never end. Honestly, that is exactly what happened to me.

Every time someone comes to collect a debt, it reminds me of how he and his entire extended family blew through my money. Even when a problem arises that wasn't caused by my own spending, the image of them appears and consumes me with rage. It got to the point where I actually slapped him because my anger was so intense. That is the reality of what happened; I admit that I eventually acted out toward him. Looking back, I see that my anger drove those actions, even though I felt justified at the time.

In 2025, I began to feel that what I did in the past was wrong. I admit that, no matter the circumstances, my anger was wrong and didn't solve anything. Watching this podcast made me realise that I haven't graduated to the next level in managing my emotions. I still gave in to my fits of rage and wasn't willing to learn, which is why the same problems kept recurring (debts resurfacing from out of nowhere, and money just seemed to vanish into thin air). My life became even more stressful.

Using the example of someone who is constantly being cheated or scammed, the podcast explains that this is a form of energy repayment. If a person has a record of deceiving others in a past life, they currently emit radiation that signals deception. Because the universe operates on the principle of like attracts like, this radiation acts as a magnet, drawing other deceptive people toward it. If that internal energetic pattern persists and remains unresolved or uncleared, the same problem—such as being cheated—will keep recurring, no matter who is involved or what the situation is.

I often mistake a recurring condition for a permanent destiny. But as I’ve come to understand, these repetitions are signals that our internal 'level of consciousness' hasn't yet shifted. By admitting my own mistakes and choosing to stop spreading my anger, I am finally starting to see the patterns dissolve. Life doesn't get easier; we just get better at understanding the energy we bring to the table. Thank you for walking this path of self-discovery with me. Let’s strive to finally 'naik kelas' (graduate) together.

FOOLISHNESS

 

For twenty-two years, I lived a life I believed was built on faith, partnership, and security. Each day, I moved with the quiet confidence of a woman who knew her place as a wife, mother, and professional dedicated to her family's future. I was married on September 1, 2001. I thought I knew the man beside me and the boundaries of our world. But on September 3, 2023, the mirror I had known for decades shattered. I reached out to several of his mistresses, because someone mentioned there might even be a child. I tried calling one of his former staff members. I found her number through WhatsApp and Instagram chats I had never known existed. I read several of their intimate conversations in which he called her 'beautiful' every single morning. I could only let out a heavy sigh; with me, he never once called me beautiful. I also saw sexy photos of that woman interspersed between their messages. 

In an instant, the man I saw as devoted revealed himself as a stranger, leaving me to face infidelity and unexpected debt. This is not just the story of a marriage ending; it is about losing everything except myself. Oh God, for 22 years, I have been a foolish woman.

Then, I called that woman to ask whether her daughter was the child of the man I had married. She was utterly shocked, seemingly caught completely off guard by the confrontation. I even told her that, rather than living in sin, it would be better if she just married him. I don’t know how, but in that moment, I actually found myself apologising for the mistakes of the father of my children—and then I hung up the phone.

Honestly, I had intended to call all the other women, but my two eldest children stopped me. They told me it was useless—that it was better to focus on resolving the situation. They were also incredibly angry with their father. My second child even slapped his father, crying out: 'All this time, Ibuk told me you were a good man, but the truth is you're a bastard!' He sobbed uncontrollably, while that man could only remain silent. Those days felt incredibly stinging, a constant, sharp pain. All of my wealth, the fruits of my own sweat and hard work, was gone. I sold the house, my cars, and assets in the village to pay for that man's mistakes. Not a single member of his family came to help. Only my own family came to see me and look after me while I was broken and ill. My younger siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles all came, one by one, to help. They gave me countless loans—an amount beyond reckoning. I don't even know how many billions were spent to pay off his debts I had never known about until now.

Between 2023 and 2025, I was angry, yet I still managed to restrain my rage. At the same time, I was shaken by the sheer number of debt collectors who came to my house, demanding payment for debts I had known nothing about for over a decade. My life felt utterly shattered—broken into the smallest pieces. It reached a point where I couldn't even afford my child’s school fees. Finally, with a heavy but conscious heart, I moved my child from one of the elite Islamic schools in Surabaya to a public primary school. My heart was broken—shattered beyond repair—but I had to stay sane for the sake of my children’s well-being.

In the midst of my devastation, he could only remain silent; he offered no help, no solutions. Instead, he fled from reality entirely. He was utterly helpless—he made no effort to borrow from relatives, nor did he fight to recover the ten months of unpaid salary from his previous company. Several times, I collapsed; I lost consciousness from the sheer weight of it all. I would scream, sometimes in a fit of rage, only for him to shout back at me. He would slam doors, smash wardrobes, and break other things. My children were filled with terror, witnessing our home turn into such a toxic and frightening place.

My world felt utterly shattered. The man I believed to be deeply religious—because he always asked permission to go to the mosque, to Islamic boarding schools, to Quranic study groups at friends' houses, or other religious events—turned out to have a habit of visiting prostitutes. It turns out, his excuses for travelling out of town were actually to meet his secret lovers. Oh God, how foolish I have been, even though God had warned me a hundred times through dreams—showing him making love with so many different women since 2005.

After 2007, I had accidentally come across his chats with other women several times, but I brushed them off as mere jokes. I knew that since his youth, he had always been fond of women—constantly dating through elementary, middle, and high school. I thought to myself: There is no way he would mess around with other women now that he’s married. I was certain he understood and respected the moral boundaries of our faith. 

Now, I can share all of these dark experiences with a sense of peace. I have journeyed through life's tremors that shattered me to my very core. I also learned from a podcast by Bunda Arsaningsih and dr. Rastho about infidelity from a spiritual perspectives:

• Marriage is viewed as a spiritual process of learning loyalty. Practicing faithfulness to a partner is a training ground for being faithful to God [19:06].
• Infidelity starts in the feeling and energy long before it becomes physical. When attention is diverted (e.g., obsessive interest in celebrities or others), the energy flow to the partner is weakened, leading to disharmony [50:53].
• Feelings for someone outside a marriage often arise because that person was a partner in a previous life. This old soul connection can trigger intense feelings that challenge current commitments [20:11].
• A soul carry records or seeds of past actions. These records can create a predisposition or a tendency toward certain behaviors, including infidelity [13:59].
• What someone sows in a past life, they reap in the current one. If someone was unfaithful in a past life, they might experience being cheated on now [10:11].
• Ideally, a couple should grow spiritually together. When both understand that marriage is for resolving karmic debts, they can face challenges with more patience and forgiveness [01:22:09].
• Viewing a marriage or a debt as a "spiritual training ground" helps one navigate it with more patience, provided it is not physically or mentally destructive. Identifying negative patterns through self-observation and spiritual practices (like "Soul Meter" or meditation) helps in cleaning the soul records [34:08].
• To stop the cycle of repeating mistakes, one must sincerely repent, seek Divine strength, and consciously choose to be a loyal person [01:18:57].
• Infidelity is not viewed solely as a lack of communication or moral failing, but as an energetic and karmic event. being a victim of betrayal is seen as reaping what was sown in a previous cycle [10:11]. Conversely, the impulse to be unfaithful may stem from an old soul record of having multiple partners across many lifetimes [19:31].

I am deeply grateful that throughout it all, I remembered to lean on God and surrender every difficulty to Him. I am also grateful for the few good friends who helped me and gave me strength, for Bunda Arsaningsih and the Soulcare Team, who empowered me with the wisdom to process my emotions. Because of them, I was finally able to navigate through it all and reach this place of tranquillity. I no longer see a foolish woman. I see a survivor. I see a mother whose strength was mirrored in the eyes of her children when they stood by her side. I see a soul tested by fire and refusing to be consumed.  The journey from the stinging pain of 2023 to the tranquillity I feel today was not a path I walked alone. Through the grace of God and the profound wisdom shared by those who taught me to process my deepest tremors, I have learned that healing isn't about fixing what was broken—it’s about building something entirely new from the fragments. Today, the debts are being managed, the screams have fallen silent, and the shadows of the past no longer dim my light. I am no longer defined by the betrayal I endured, but by the peace I have fought so hard to claim. I am finally, and fully, home within myself.

Learn to be loyal so that you can be loyal to your commitments...practicing loyalty with your partner is how you practice loyalty to God

 

TRAUMA

Every true lover needs their love to mean something different. You made it clear willing to give up everything for the one you love. The fairy tale of dedication that I saw from my father will not be a part of my life my spouse has betrayed me heal a deep emotional trauma I will have to come to terms with all this bitterness In the depths of my heart, I have discovered you I have found... true love as our version I seek your tranquil soul from the southernmost to the northernmost tip of the earth. your affection was pure whiteness, and it is of no concern to me time is of the essence for me and my hands are on yours. care less about your affection, which is just whiteness. my time is valuable, so doing everything I can to get it done quickly. Authentic love must mean something distinct to everyone. Your willingness to give up everything for the one you love was something you conveyed Conversely, he has betrayed me to mend a profound emotional hurt, the fairy tale of devotion I witnessed will not be a part of my life. heal a deep emotional trauma I will have to come to terms with all this bitterness In the depths of my heart, I have discovered you I have found... true love as our version I seek your tranquil soul from the southernmost to the northernmost tip of the earth. your affection was pure whiteness, and it is of no concern to me time is of the essence for me and my hands are on yours. Your affection was pure whiteness, and it is of no concern to me. Time is of the essence for me, and my hands are on deck.