FOOLISHNESS

 

For twenty-two years, I lived a life I believed was built on faith, partnership, and security. Each day, I moved with the quiet confidence of a woman who knew her place as a wife, mother, and professional dedicated to her family's future. I was married on September 1, 2001. I thought I knew the man beside me and the boundaries of our world. But on September 3, 2023, the mirror I had known for decades shattered. I reached out to several of his mistresses, because someone mentioned there might even be a child. I tried calling one of his former staff members. I found her number through WhatsApp and Instagram chats I had never known existed. I read several of their intimate conversations in which he called her 'beautiful' every single morning. I could only let out a heavy sigh; with me, he never once called me beautiful. I also saw sexy photos of that woman interspersed between their messages. 

In an instant, the man I saw as devoted revealed himself as a stranger, leaving me to face infidelity and unexpected debt. This is not just the story of a marriage ending; it is about losing everything except myself. Oh God, for 22 years, I have been a foolish woman.

Then, I called that woman to ask whether her daughter was the child of the man I had married. She was utterly shocked, seemingly caught completely off guard by the confrontation. I even told her that, rather than living in sin, it would be better if she just married him. I don’t know how, but in that moment, I actually found myself apologising for the mistakes of the father of my children—and then I hung up the phone.

Honestly, I had intended to call all the other women, but my two eldest children stopped me. They told me it was useless—that it was better to focus on resolving the situation. They were also incredibly angry with their father. My second child even slapped his father, crying out: 'All this time, Ibuk told me you were a good man, but the truth is you're a bastard!' He sobbed uncontrollably, while that man could only remain silent. Those days felt incredibly stinging, a constant, sharp pain. All of my wealth, the fruits of my own sweat and hard work, was gone. I sold the house, my cars, and assets in the village to pay for that man's mistakes. Not a single member of his family came to help. Only my own family came to see me and look after me while I was broken and ill. My younger siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles all came, one by one, to help. They gave me countless loans—an amount beyond reckoning. I don't even know how many billions were spent to pay off his debts I had never known about until now.

Between 2023 and 2025, I was angry, yet I still managed to restrain my rage. At the same time, I was shaken by the sheer number of debt collectors who came to my house, demanding payment for debts I had known nothing about for over a decade. My life felt utterly shattered—broken into the smallest pieces. It reached a point where I couldn't even afford my child’s school fees. Finally, with a heavy but conscious heart, I moved my child from one of the elite Islamic schools in Surabaya to a public primary school. My heart was broken—shattered beyond repair—but I had to stay sane for the sake of my children’s well-being.

In the midst of my devastation, he could only remain silent; he offered no help, no solutions. Instead, he fled from reality entirely. He was utterly helpless—he made no effort to borrow from relatives, nor did he fight to recover the ten months of unpaid salary from his previous company. Several times, I collapsed; I lost consciousness from the sheer weight of it all. I would scream, sometimes in a fit of rage, only for him to shout back at me. He would slam doors, smash wardrobes, and break other things. My children were filled with terror, witnessing our home turn into such a toxic and frightening place.

My world felt utterly shattered. The man I believed to be deeply religious—because he always asked permission to go to the mosque, to Islamic boarding schools, to Quranic study groups at friends' houses, or other religious events—turned out to have a habit of visiting prostitutes. It turns out, his excuses for travelling out of town were actually to meet his secret lovers. Oh God, how foolish I have been, even though God had warned me a hundred times through dreams—showing him making love with so many different women since 2005.

After 2007, I had accidentally come across his chats with other women several times, but I brushed them off as mere jokes. I knew that since his youth, he had always been fond of women—constantly dating through elementary, middle, and high school. I thought to myself: There is no way he would mess around with other women now that he’s married. I was certain he understood and respected the moral boundaries of our faith. 

Now, I can share all of these dark experiences with a sense of peace. I have journeyed through life's tremors that shattered me to my very core. I also learned from a podcast by Bunda Arsaningsih and dr. Rastho about infidelity from a spiritual perspectives:

• Marriage is viewed as a spiritual process of learning loyalty. Practicing faithfulness to a partner is a training ground for being faithful to God [19:06].
• Infidelity starts in the feeling and energy long before it becomes physical. When attention is diverted (e.g., obsessive interest in celebrities or others), the energy flow to the partner is weakened, leading to disharmony [50:53].
• Feelings for someone outside a marriage often arise because that person was a partner in a previous life. This old soul connection can trigger intense feelings that challenge current commitments [20:11].
• A soul carry records or seeds of past actions. These records can create a predisposition or a tendency toward certain behaviors, including infidelity [13:59].
• What someone sows in a past life, they reap in the current one. If someone was unfaithful in a past life, they might experience being cheated on now [10:11].
• Ideally, a couple should grow spiritually together. When both understand that marriage is for resolving karmic debts, they can face challenges with more patience and forgiveness [01:22:09].
• Viewing a marriage or a debt as a "spiritual training ground" helps one navigate it with more patience, provided it is not physically or mentally destructive. Identifying negative patterns through self-observation and spiritual practices (like "Soul Meter" or meditation) helps in cleaning the soul records [34:08].
• To stop the cycle of repeating mistakes, one must sincerely repent, seek Divine strength, and consciously choose to be a loyal person [01:18:57].
• Infidelity is not viewed solely as a lack of communication or moral failing, but as an energetic and karmic event. being a victim of betrayal is seen as reaping what was sown in a previous cycle [10:11]. Conversely, the impulse to be unfaithful may stem from an old soul record of having multiple partners across many lifetimes [19:31].

I am deeply grateful that throughout it all, I remembered to lean on God and surrender every difficulty to Him. I am also grateful for the few good friends who helped me and gave me strength, for Bunda Arsaningsih and the Soulcare Team, who empowered me with the wisdom to process my emotions. Because of them, I was finally able to navigate through it all and reach this place of tranquillity. I no longer see a foolish woman. I see a survivor. I see a mother whose strength was mirrored in the eyes of her children when they stood by her side. I see a soul tested by fire and refusing to be consumed.  The journey from the stinging pain of 2023 to the tranquillity I feel today was not a path I walked alone. Through the grace of God and the profound wisdom shared by those who taught me to process my deepest tremors, I have learned that healing isn't about fixing what was broken—it’s about building something entirely new from the fragments. Today, the debts are being managed, the screams have fallen silent, and the shadows of the past no longer dim my light. I am no longer defined by the betrayal I endured, but by the peace I have fought so hard to claim. I am finally, and fully, home within myself.

Learn to be loyal so that you can be loyal to your commitments...practicing loyalty with your partner is how you practice loyalty to God

 

TRAUMA

Every true lover needs their love to mean something different. You made it clear willing to give up everything for the one you love. The fairy tale of dedication that I saw from my father will not be a part of my life my spouse has betrayed me heal a deep emotional trauma I will have to come to terms with all this bitterness In the depths of my heart, I have discovered you I have found... true love as our version I seek your tranquil soul from the southernmost to the northernmost tip of the earth. your affection was pure whiteness, and it is of no concern to me time is of the essence for me and my hands are on yours. care less about your affection, which is just whiteness. my time is valuable, so doing everything I can to get it done quickly. Authentic love must mean something distinct to everyone. Your willingness to give up everything for the one you love was something you conveyed Conversely, he has betrayed me to mend a profound emotional hurt, the fairy tale of devotion I witnessed will not be a part of my life. heal a deep emotional trauma I will have to come to terms with all this bitterness In the depths of my heart, I have discovered you I have found... true love as our version I seek your tranquil soul from the southernmost to the northernmost tip of the earth. your affection was pure whiteness, and it is of no concern to me time is of the essence for me and my hands are on yours. Your affection was pure whiteness, and it is of no concern to me. Time is of the essence for me, and my hands are on deck.